Being a mom….

It has been a long long real long time that I have posted anything on this blog. It was just yesterday I was discussing with DH about starting a diary or something to note each and every achievement, milestone that my daughter makes as she grows up. Silly of me, but I just entered the beautiful (really!!! shud’ve asked me like 3 months ago and you would have a really angry woman reaching out to your throat) world of motherhood. So to cut the long story short, it is my beautiful daughter, lets say we call her Bali, who has inspired me to put some life into this blog.

When I got pregnant, I never thought how my life would drastically change when Bali would enter my life. It is only after 3 months that I have started enjoying her, to see her smile, giggle is just a delight. Though I do miss being able to enjoy the weekend with DH, this change is welcome too. I remember telling my SIL over a phone call about how I was super good with kids and I am just not worried about taking care of them. I should have guessed that there was a chuckle on the other side saying, I’ll see you when you get there.

I do want to take this post as an opportunity to apologize to each and everyone who had to tolerate me during the first month after Bali was born. I have been downright mean to my DH, who took it all in the spirit that this woman has given me the greatest gift of my life (well I like to believe that he took it in that spirit). Also, my mum and sis/bil for turning the other ear just when I was throwing a tantrum over the pettiest of things. Thank you guys for being there and enduring the tough times with me :)

Now the reason for the post, my Bali, is now a beautiful 3 month old girl. She has a strange fascination for her fingers and of course loves sucking her mittens. Smiles, rather giggles, at the sight of her father or me. I hope that I continue writing these posts that will later be a gift to her from me :)

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Newborn, babies, infants…halt

Bali halt at the infant stage – I command you halt – wait right there. Freeze!! Yes I am scared of my little daughter, I am scared that in couple of months I am going to face toddler years. Going by the trailer of infant years, Bali is one kick ass girl. When I say kick ass I mean in the movie sense, the movie Kick ass. She is now 7 months old and is already crawling, standing on her own, and trying to do acrobatics standing alone. I love how her chunky thighs go wobbly since she cant balance her weight yet.

Coming to the toddler years, this scare is because of the many toddlers that surround me in the malls, shops, neighborhood, and other places. They are like mini bundles of cuteness wrapped with lethal weapons of “innocent eyes” who can whoop any one’s ass with their stunts. I feel we can categorize these toddlers into toddler buckets, some of which are here –

1) Keep calm and play – Oh how I love this kind. These are the kids who are god’s miracle. They listen to their parents, play quietly, and obey. Though very tough to find this kind, we did come across one or two in the mall.

2) Toy store maniacs – Every time I pass the toy bay in Shopper’s Stop, there has to be a shrieking kid howling like crazy. Best way to deal with such tantrums is to give in if you are the shy kinds who do not like all the attention other parents of blessed kids are showering on you.

3) Hungry for junk – Yes this is a new kind of hunger. It is highly evolved hunger pang, which is triggered as soon as M + C +D come together. This is a serious problem and I am scared to bits about how to tackle with this when Bali enters the danger years.

4) Momma madness – I want mommy is the clingy toddler who wont let mum take a bite till she picks him up. I feel so sorry for these moms but envision a similar future with Bali and start sympathizing for myself instead.

My friends will agree that I am very observant and my eyes are open to analyzing this species in detail on the next visit to the mall. But, for now I am praying to god with all my might that take away my next increment (partly) but bless me with a disciplined toddler. I think I just heard thundering, wait that was just god laughing out loud at my prayers!!.

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Look who dropped in….

Last week my younger brother visited me, it was a brief visit to mark his last visit as a student. He will be entering the corporate world soon and bringing in a lot of gifts for me since my birthday is approaching soon. Jokes apart, this little creature, though not little anymore, has been the center of my universe ever since he was born. One of the reason for us being so possessive about him is that there is quite an age gap between me and my brother, and a really huge age gap between my sister and him. This post is not about how I love him, how I love his dimples, how I love that he listens to all the things I ask for him to do, and so on, but more about how I am scared and not looking forward to the future.

Very depressing, isn’t it. But, let me tell you that it is not in the depressing sense that I fear the future. I fear it cause I already have my sister sitting on the other side of the world in a whole different continent, I am now faced with the reality of my brother shifting to some other continent pretty soon. No, pretty soon isn’t so soon, but yes some day. It freaks me out to imagine that I will not have my siblings close by to visit, touch, talk, and just to breathe with them in the same space. My sister must be yawning in her PJs reading this mush. But, you know what M I need to vent it out.

It has been 7 years since M is settled abroad and I miss her to pieces. I miss shopping with her, bitching sessions, mocking sessions, and so many more fun things. I just cannot get around convincing myself that she has got to do what she has to do. I sulk at times seeing H with his brother relishing each moment with him. While he is doing that, I am left to count years, not days or months, years when my sister will visit me again. I dread that with my brother, A, I am going to go through the same wave of emotions and go mush again.

I am trying to convince myself that some bonds, especially the ones with siblings, do not need constant bonding. This is true cause even if I meet my sister after 10 years, we can still go about our business of talking as if time was still. As for my brother, well he is my cutie pie and coochie coo (did I embarrass you enough A?), he will always find time for his sisters no matter where he is. And, my dear M, I do terribly miss you and I wish the time machine had been invented and we could go back and forth from past to present.

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New beginnings…..

Long time since the last post, but lot of things have changed and loads of it have not been changes that I love. In the past, when I read things like “Change is the only constant thing in life” on social web sites, with beautiful imagery in the background, I would just read and go into deep thought; pretentious thought of course, without knowing what and how deep this statement is. With life taking a totally new curve, I understand that indeed change is inevitable, but as much as it is easy to read and approve of this thought, the actual challenge lies in accepting it.

To come to the big change, I have worked as a Technical writer since the  past 6.5 years of my life, but recently due to some major changes in the organization, I have been asked to move to the QA team, since not many writing opportunities are available. To tell you the truth, I have always told a close friend of mine, lets call him N, that how I wanted to get into testing/development since there are more wider opportunities present in that field. But, there could not have been a more inappropriate timing for this change to come. I have recently become a mom to bali and was really happy with the work life balance my current job profile gave me. But, I guess this is what life is all about, it gives you the opportunity and its in your best interest that you make the most out of it.

Fortunately, I have someone who is helping me with bali while I am making this transition from Technical writing to QA. This person is from my native and I refrain from calling her my maid, she is more of a house help :). She is indeed god send cause if I had to leave bali in a daycare at just 6 months, I guess my working days would have been long over. I don’t want to say that daycare’s are bad, but she is just too young for a daycare. My opinions are subject to change as life takes new turns and who knows I might have to opt for it, but I won’t since I have set my priorities that way.

I have been going paranoid about leaving her with my help just for a matter of 3 hours, and googling frantically about “Baby loves nanny more”, “effects of working in early years on baby”, and so on. H has already declared me a psycho mom and given up trying to convince me that I am her mom and she will never forget me. But, I don’t know why it is just too difficult to convince myself that I am doing what needs to be done and that she is safe hands. If I have to write about mommy guilt, I guess that is going to be a different post altogether.

As for now, I am hoping, and I am confident too, that I will manage this transition with ease. I know I will miss Technical writing for sure, but this blog is the only way of staying in touch with the writing side of me.

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Have you clipped a baby’s nail before…..

Come Saturday and I am freaking out crazy. Shouting at DH, throwing random tantrums at him, pacing frantically, and all this why you ask – it is “Clip Bali’s nails day”. Yes, this alone is reason enough for me to freak out. Why god did you have to give such tiny creatures nails and if you had to why couldn’t you just put them on auto-shed in a week mode.

DH has no faith in himself to do a good job at this particular activity, and nor do I, have any faith in him that is. Once with fatherly love that he has for Bali, he snatched the tiny nail clipper from me and tried to clip her nails. He had just about managed to catch hold of her pinky and was focused on the nail much more than he would ever had for his exams that suddenly Bali decides to shake her hand, and bam!!! DH had successfully managed to clip her skin. There was a tiny speck of blood on her pinky, which was reason enough for DH to go in the corner with moist eyes and to swear not to ever try to clip her nails again.

Now, the herculean task of clipping her nails was solely my responsibility, and had I even once hurt her during this activity, my dear DH says he has the right to whack my hand at that instant. So, the nail clipper is totally out as an option since it just beyond my understanding how to keep those tiny fist unclenched and then use that device so as to not squeeze the skin. I squeeze my skin in with the nail sometimes when I am clipping my nails, how do you expect me to be steady as ever with her. As always, when in dilemma I call my sister, and that I did. She like an angel (for the sake of this post) that she is gave me the best idea ever. “Who uses a nail clipper on baby’s nails silly, use the baby scissors”, she says. In my mind I am thinking, having two kids has definitely made her go bonkers, but since she is experienced I go with it.

Come Saturday, the day to try clipping nails using baby scissors has arrived. Now, go back to the beginning of the post and understand why I was going crazy. There she was lying on the bed, sucking on her fists like there was no tomorrow, unaware of the experiment that was going to take place. I took her hand, took the scissors, focused like I have never in my whole life as though my life is at stake, clip the first nail, and I wait. I wait for the loudest cry I can hear or a whack on my hand, but no there was none. What did that mean, well yes I clipped the nail, I did it. I wanted to scream out of happiness, but still had 9 more to do, yes 9 cause I am scared to clip her toenails. If you are going tsk tsk at it, please drop by and try clipping them at my place.

Well, this Saturday has passed, and I am hoping that as every Saturday passes, I might become a pro at clipping baby nails. Yes, you can email me for any assistance with yours (your baby’s I mean).

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Valentine woes

Yet another day comes to an end…wait a minute this is no ordinary is the day that every non-married couple and love hopefuls are waiting for…it is (drumroll)… Valentine’s day. This day brings back many memories – is what I should have written but unfortunately there are not many memories that I can tie to this day, except for one which I chose to mention here. This incident always makes me reconsider throwing a surprise for my DH for valentine’s.

So this was valentine 2010, we were a newly married couple so to speak, which makes it our first valentine as a married couple. Blushing new bride that I was, I decided to surprise DH with a 3 course meal, restaurant style at home. I decided I would leave during lunchtime, go to the mall, get all the necessary groceries to cook up the meal, and a surprise gift (which was a watch that was badly needed and since DH hates wearing watches I had to get him one hehe).

I took all the stuff and reached my office and was all set to leave at 4 to get all arrangements ready in time when DH reaches home at 6. I left office and while walking down the road, spotted D having a chat with his friend (our offices are nearby ). I hid under a tree and shoved the bag of goodies in my bag, walked up to him, chatted a bit, and left for home.

Here I was at home, all sentimental, playing love songs in the background, cooking Pasta, rimming glasses with sugar for that extra special cocktail, decorating pieces of cheesecake (which apparently he hated :(), hoping that somewhere near the IT park my prince is also thinking about making it special for me.

Finally it was 6, I was all dolled up waiting for him, the bell rang and there he was, my prince charming, who was empty handed with no shopping bags, but yet welcomed home with a smile. I had decorated our guestroom to resemble an Italian restaurant (somewhat). Blindfolding my better half, I took him inside expecting a shriek, and to which I got a smile.

Determined as I was to make it a very special day for him, started bringing each course to him, to which he dutifully applauded, again with that smile. Finally, I got my surprise present out and asked him to unwrap it and was sure this will definitely make him yell at least. But, again all I got was that stupid stupid smile. I stood there boiling with anger and to this day always make it a point to bring this story forth on every valentine’s.

Me lighting the candle for the candle lit dinner

Me lighting the candle for the candle lit dinner

Before you paint him out to be an unromantic husband, I would want to share that over time I have realized that his smile is the only affirmation I ever get to a romantic gesture. And that just cause I am dramatic about every incident in my life, same is not true for everyone. He does have his own way of bringing me gifts (stories of which I will share as days pass) and these ways always strike the right cord in my heart.

The table laid to perfection...ahem ahem

The table laid to perfection…ahem ahem

P.S: If you are reading DH, you can always keep making it up to me for that valentine day that you so royally messed up for me :)

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Technical writing: My proud career

Flexing my fingers, just thinking that it has been an awfully long time that I have written sumthin. The topic today isn’t a result of sudden realization of how I am in a profession, not widely known, but yet quite an attractive and lucrative option. I was in a rick today, sharing it with an elderly uncle, and the question popped. What do u do beta (daughter – elder people address young girls like that in India)?
I dread this question and why so, I dread it cause if its not like you are software developer.

If you are a software developer, no one wants to delve further after hearing software, that what exactly that mean. But, technical writing, is whole new story altogether. Now, this is wat happened,

Uncle- What do you do beta

Me – (hmmm….should i tell him)? I work for xyz company…(this will buy me some time)

Uncle – as what?

Me – (dammit…I wanted more time) Well…(here goes nothing) I work as an Information developer

Uncle – (zonked…maybe she codes)so u are in software

Me – (the technical writer pride strikes again…I have to explain my identity) No…I write..i do technical writing

Uncle – (?…yes that was his expression) oh ok (not a convincing yes)

Me – I do technical writing….I write user manuals, install guide, development guide, so on

Uncle – as in?

Me – (lets get downright simple)Uncle…when you buy any syrup based medicine…a small pamphlet that comes with instructions..

Uncle – so u write that??

Me – (let me complete) No…i write sumthin like that….

Uncle – I don’t get it

Me – (thank u god I need to get off this rick)Uncle…basically I write (and the conversation ends)

So, moral of the story is that I am proud of my career choice and I am very happy to tell people that I am in this career by choice and not chance. Have you faced any such situation where the same question was asked to you by some non technical person and you had a hard time explaining, then please share :)

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